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So this weekend I've decided to no longer live predominantly in my head. This means that I have to become a person I'm happy with. I need to spend more time being creative. I want to be in loving relationship rather than this limbo game I seem to play. I need to have the body image that makes me proud. I have to stop numbing my mind and expand it, i.e. read more rather than spending time on facebook.
So, should I pretend I don't feel awkward when you act obscene. When you saying things like "I like someone but they don't like me back." or "I know someone special but I don't think they like me," in front of our friends. You tell me how it is I'm to react because if you assume that I'll just drop my mood and kiss you, you are delusional.

I wished you'd read up on your horoscopes and come to terms with the nature of an aeries woman. We play to win and once we've won the game is over. Cruel, it may be so but I prefer to think of it as an incompatibility. The worst part is when you're generous towards me because i then feel guilty. You're a good person, you just need to be with someone who can appreciate you. But my problem started that tuesday when we got drunk at my house and you couldn't fathom that I didn't want to fuck around. The high of PDA wears off after awhile. When we regularly spend time with the same group of girls I'm not willing to reduce my mental relationship with them so you can be sexually satisfied. I got tired of being prey, of being chopped on, on being called a tease when I was being completely serious about not being in the mood. and by the way RITUAL FEATHERS AREN'T SEX TOYS!!!!!!

That's the thing. We never took it slow. No, we didn't have full on sex but we didn't get to know what the other person was up for by conversing. We just did everything else that was sexually stimulating 24/7.

Too much of a good thing can make you sick. That's the proverb I assign to the constant touching. I can't do it. I'm too low maintenance to be pampered. Someone else could appreciate you more than I ever could.
"How do you like it here?"
She asked.
The thought was teeth clenching.
How do I like it here?
How do I like it here?
I love it here!
No I don't LOVE it here,
But it's okay.
It's okay, I thought,
Though it could be better.
Here could make my heart pound
Here could be everywhere that mattered.
But not  now,
 Not quite yet.
"How do you like it here?"
She asked again.
Her persistence,
Her deterrence for a reply,
Made my heart pound.
How do I like it here?
How do I like it here?
I have nothing.
No, here I have soberness.
But  that glass,
That wineglass,
Is half empty.
Because I'd rather, 
Be anywhere stoned.
How do I like it here?
"Here? I love it here."
 And Beverly smiled.